Promoters Announce "LollaPalooka"; Former Brawlers to Square Off In Round Robin Bloodbath
Inspired by the 60+ million who streamed the Tyson-Paul "fight" over Netflix, three of boxing's most beloved stiffs are being coaxed from retirement for one-time bout.
Many view the 70's and early to mid-80's as boxing's finest years. Just about every division had fighters with great skill and heart and the rivalries were the stuff of legend. But for every Holmes and Hagler, there was a Bugner and a LeDoux, plodding "palookas" whose "heart" made up for limited skill, their fights a triumph of perseverance over common sense. Put a Chuck Wepner or a Randall "Tex" Cobb in the ring and the outcome was assured: cuts would open between rounds 1-2, blood would begin gushing by the 3rd, eyes would swell shut by the 4th, and by the 5th or 6th their corner would be imploring their fighter -- by now a soundly beaten, barely conscious shell of a human being -- to call it a night...only to see the poor hopeless bastard answer the next bell and lumber face first into another lacerating blow.
Inspired by the massive viewership of last Friday’s Mike Tyson-Jake Paul “fight,” which was streamed over Netflix by more than 60 million households, old school boxing promoters Stan and Morty Platt believe that the long-struggling sport that supported both their families and put their kids through college, is ripe for a come-back.
“It’s a damn shame this beautiful sport has been pushed aside by the anything goes mayhem of an MMA (mixed martial arts) fight,” said Stan in a phone interview we conducted while he was waiting to be seen by his rheumatologist in the Boyton Beach area the Bronx native now calls home. “There’s nothing sweet or scientific about two guys on the mat trying to beat each other senseless by any means necessary.” Stan’s contempt for the “sport” was palpable over the phone. “Not saying the MMA guys aren’t skilled, but grab and grapple ain’t the same as stick and jab. But there’s no arguing that people like blood.”
The Platts believe they have the answer: “Give the MMA people what they want, and what old-time boxing fans would pay good money to see: Put Scott LeDoux, Randall "Tex" Cobb and Joe Bugner in the ring for a final blood-soaked hurrah. Hell, even I’d pay money to see that!”
Stan said that the idea first occurred to them when they were with their wives vacationing in Vegas and had a random encounter with the then 76 year-old Sylvester Stallone in the lobby of the hotel they were staying at.
"Rocky Balboa is an institution, the palooka's palooka. He’s looking better than any guy 76 years old deserves to look. To be able to step into a ring at that age and absorb that kind of punishment, I'm awed that he could do such a thing.” (Note: Stallone last stepped into the ring to give Adonis Creed some advice in 2018’s Creed II). “When I was 76 -- I'm 82 now -- I could barely get out of bed at three in the morning to take a pee. My back, my neck, the groin injury. And now? Forget about it. Rocky Balboa is an inspiration to millions the world over."
We asked why he and his brother think people will want to see four lead-footed, over-the-hill pugs staging one last orgy of stomach-turning incompetence.
"To tell you the truth, it's something I always wanted to see. Put Bugner, Cobb, LeDoux and Wepner in a ring, let them go five rounds, let's see who remains standing. My money's on Cobb, though I'd like to see Wepner pull it out -- he needs just 20 more stitches to surpass Vito Antuofermo who holds the record with 345. But there's one thing Americans can bank on -- it will be a bloody fucking mess." Stan let out a loud snort/laugh that degenerated into a hacking cough.
We asked retired boxing promoter Steve Kahn what he thought of the Platt’s plans and their chances of success. “Sorry, chum, boxing ain’t coming back, unless you let the fighters use their elbows, knees and feet, replace the ropes with barbed wire, and you can only win by knocking the other guy out and fast-tracked to the ER. That’s the only plausible path to make boxing great again (MBGA), but you already have that in the UFC.”
Since our interview, it came to the Platts’ attention that at 85 years old, they’d need to find a replacement for Chuck Wepner. They are in discussions with Evander Holyfield’s people, who as a top tier fighter in his day was the furthest thing from a “palooka,” but age, advanced CTE and assorted infirmities would “make it a fair fight,” according to Stan. (For a related story, see “Holyfield to Fight Until His Brains Can Be Spread Over Warm Toast.”)
To date, the Platts have signed one sponsor -- a distributor of kosher canned meats out of Cleveland. They are also speaking to the American Red Cross and a medical supplies company that provides blood to hospitals. The Platts haven't yet found a venue for LollaPalooka; if they can't find one by January 2025, they will stage the fight in the four acre backyard of their nephew, Arthur J. Platt, a hedge fund manager who lives alone in a 15,000 square foot estate in Jupiter, FL, and stream it as a live pay-per-view event over YouTube.